Three Middle School Belonging Activities That Help Students Connect

by Kari Ehmer If you're looking for middle school belonging activities, start with three that give students something to practice: a name-order challenge, a birthday-order challenge done without speaking, and a Power Phrases exercise. Each takes only a few minutes. Together, they help students notice who is included, practice communication, and recognize how their words and choices affect other people.

These work in advisory, ASB or student leadership groups, classrooms, and larger workshops when students can break into small groups. The important part comes afterward, when you ask students what they noticed and how they can use it during a normal school day.

Why belonging needs more than a welcome message

Middle school can be a hard place to figure out where you fit. Friend groups change, students become more aware of how others see them, and speaking up can suddenly feel risky. A student can be surrounded by people all day and still feel invisible.

The CDC describes school connectedness as feeling cared for, supported, and that you belong at school. Its guidance highlights peer relationships and opportunities for students to get to know one another as practical ways to strengthen that connection. So when we talk about belonging, I want students to have a chance to practice what it looks like, not simply hear that it matters.

I use a simple message in my school programs: Be Seen. See Others. Students deserve to feel noticed and valued. They also have a role in helping someone else feel that way.

Activity 1: Name Order — practice including everyone

How to run it

Put students in small groups of about six to ten. Ask them to arrange themselves in alphabetical order by first name. Talking is allowed. Give them a few minutes, and let them work it out without assigning a leader. Students can remain seated and arrange name cards if moving around the room is difficult.

It sounds easy. Then someone starts directing, someone waits to be asked, and a few people may not get heard right away. That gives the group something useful to notice without making anyone the example.

What to ask afterward

Ask, 'How did you make sure everyone had a chance to speak?' and 'What helped when two people had different ideas?' If a student was overlooked, don't put them on the spot. Ask the group what it could do differently next time.

The connection to school life is immediate. In a group project, at lunch, or during a team activity, including someone often begins with a small choice: asking their name, making space, or listening before moving on.

Activity 2: Birthday Order — notice how people communicate

How to run it

Keep students in small groups and ask them to arrange themselves by birthday month and day without speaking. They can gesture, write, or point to a calendar. Don't make speed the goal. If sharing birthdays isn't appropriate for your group, use a low-disclosure alternative such as ordering by a chosen favorite month. Allow seated participation and avoid any physical contact requirement.

Students quickly discover that communication is more than talking. They need to pay attention, check that they've understood one another, and notice when someone is unsure where to go.

What to ask afterward

Try, 'Who noticed someone needed help?' or 'What did someone do that made the task easier for the whole group?' You can also ask what happened when people assumed they knew the answer without checking.

Those are the same choices students make every day when someone is new to a group, looks uncomfortable, or hasn't found a way into the conversation. Connection changes what comes next, sometimes because one person paid attention.

Activity 3: Power Phrases — choose words that build connection

How to run it

Give pairs or small groups a familiar middle school situation. Maybe someone makes a mistake during a group presentation. Maybe a student asks to join a game and nobody responds. Maybe a classmate says something unkind and then claims they were 'just joking.' Ask students to come up with one phrase that would make the next moment better.

They might choose, 'Want to work with us?' 'Let's try that again.' 'I didn't mean for that to hurt you. I'm sorry.' or 'You can sit here.' The words don't need to be perfect. They need to be something a student would actually say.

What to ask afterward

Ask, 'How would those words change the next five minutes?' Then invite students to choose one phrase they could use this week. When students understand the meaning behind their words, they begin to see that language carries responsibility.

This connects to a part of my BE BOLD Framework: Own Your Choices. We cannot control everything another person says or does. We can take responsibility for our own words, our response, and what we do next. When a student says something hurtful, repair matters. One poor choice does not have to become their entire identity, but they still need to own its impact. Serious threats or safety concerns should always be handled through the school's established procedures.

How to make these activities matter after the workshop

A good activity creates a moment. The follow-through turns that moment into a habit. Choose one simple behavior students can practice over the next week, such as inviting someone into a group, learning the name of a classmate they don't know, or replacing a dismissive comment with a helpful one.

Give student leaders a role in reinforcing it. ASB members can model a Power Phrase, teachers can recognize a moment when someone makes room for another student, and advisory groups can take two minutes to share what worked. Keep the reflection short and specific. Ask what students did, not whether they felt inspired.

When I work with schools, I connect these activities to a bigger question: 'How do I want people to feel after they've been around me?' It helps students see that school culture is made up of everyday choices. They don't need a leadership title to contribute.

What school leaders should look for

You won't measure belonging by whether everyone laughs during an activity. Watch for the behaviors that matter: students inviting others in, listening to quieter voices, using more respectful language, and taking responsibility when they get it wrong. Ask students privately whether they feel noticed and included, especially those who are less likely to volunteer in front of a group.

The goal is steady practice across classrooms, teams, and student leadership groups. A single assembly can introduce a shared message, but adults and students keep it alive through the choices they make afterward.

Bring connection and belonging into your school

I design interactive school assemblies, workshops, and multi-session programs around confidence, connection, belonging, leadership, resilience, and personal responsibility. We start with what your students need and build an experience that gets them participating, reflecting, and practicing tools they can use beyond the workshop.

If your school is working to strengthen student connection or leadership, explore my school programs and tell me what you are seeing on your campus. We can talk about what would be most useful for your students.

About Kari

Kari Ehmer is a Confidence & Mindset Speaker and Coach who helps students, athletes, teams, and workplace leaders build belonging, confidence, and leadership, so they trust themselves when it matters most. A West Point graduate and Army veteran, she brings practical mindset tools to schools across Southern California through interactive assemblies, workshops, and multi-session programs. Learn more at kariehmer.com/speaking.